


The Drawbacks of Being a Wallflower (Or When Does Social Awkwardness Become Sociopathy?)

by Cuthwyn



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Jason Todd - Freeform, M/M, Roy Harper - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 09:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16741381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuthwyn/pseuds/Cuthwyn
Summary: Roy goes out with Dick and their Titan friends.Jason decides to go out for the night on his own and finds himself in a bar, drinking, watching football and wondering why straight guys are so obsessed with their junk?Jason often feels like he watches life through a window.Is enjoying a slower paced, more domestic lifestyle when not saving the world really that bad?JayRoyWeek2018: Day 2:Domestic





	The Drawbacks of Being a Wallflower (Or When Does Social Awkwardness Become Sociopathy?)

Someone told him once that life was like looking through a window and that everyone was looking through a different one, providing a different perspective.   
Jason liked that analogy and often found himself toying with the idea, pulling and poking at it as if dissecting a frog in biology. He kind of knew how it worked but Jason still found himself prodding at it just one more time.  
Mainly because the idea of a window resonated deeply with him.  
A window was a pane of glass standing between you and the outside world.   
You can see through it and anyone on the other side can see you, but the glass separates you.  
When thinking about life, windows and perspectives, Jason always ended up at the same conclusion, that he did indeed watch life happen from behind a window.  
It wasn’t that that Jason didn’t want what everyone else wanted, friends, family, a job and home of his very own. His very own little life with all the pointless, confusing little trappings that everyone else had, like small talk. Who wouldn’t want all of those things? It was just hard to reach out and do it when there was a pane of glass in the way.  
It was hard to understand what people were trying to say through a window and Jason was pretty sure that they couldn’t understand him either. The frustration was immense but if he banged on the window to try and get someone’s attention, he ended up in trouble.  
Jason wanted a silly, confusing life like everyone else with no windows, was it really too much to ask for?

Roy had gone out on the town with Dick and their old Titan friends. Jason couldn’t have cared less after Roy had promised that he wasn’t going to be even thinking about drinking which Dick backed up with his ‘I’m in charge’ head nod thing.  
Roy had asked Jason if he wanted to come but Jason declined and stated that he was going out on his own  
Both Roy and Dick had exchanged looks before making sure both of their numbers were scrawled on a piece of paper in Jason’s pocket.  
‘In case of emergencies.’  
They’d said, although Jason wasn’t entirely sure what constituted an emergency and so he just hoped he’d know if the time came.  
He couldn’t blame them for being worried. It was out of character, Jason knew that, but he remembered what Dick had told him once when they’d been kids. Jason had tried to tag along with big brother and his friends only to be told to go find people his own age and a very angry Dick, who pushed him away. He’d been embarrassed to have Jason around and in hindsight Jason got that now.  
He was weird and always messed things up.  
So, coupled with Dick’s continued mothering about Jason getting out into the ‘real world’ more, Jason decided to head to a bar to make some friends.  
It couldn’t honestly be that hard! If uncouth, degenerates like Dick and Roy could have friends then so could he. It wasn’t much of an ask to want just a little bit of the normalcy everyone else had.  
So Jason headed off to go tap on his window and make a few boy friends but not boyfriends, he’d already clarified that to Roy, who’d just given him the same smile you gave a kitten.

So this was what lead Jason to where he was right now, sat at a bar drinking a beer and trying to work out if there was a way of making the glass in his window thicker? Like the high end bulletproof, soundproof stuff you get at the police precinct?  
Something had gone wrong somewhere and Jason couldn’t quite figure out what. He’d done everything right?  
He’d gone out into the real world. He went to a bar where boys his age go and ordered a beer before sitting down on a stool. He’d braved e-coli by putting his hands in the bowl of peanuts on the bar and putting one in his mouth. He soon spat it out and resorted to just pushing the rest of his peanuts around until they were in size order.  
‘You all alone sweetie?’   
Lifting his eyes, Jason frowned and looked from the busty blonde barmaid to the empty seats either side of him.  
‘I thought that was obvious?’  
The girl blinked before smiling and leaning further over the bar until her breasts were almost popping out of her shirt. Jason’s frown deepened and he was suddenly very distracted by how small that shirt was, the buttons were practically straining.  
‘Be careful! You’re shirt is too small, if you lean over anymore you could rip a seam.’   
The barmaid froze before pouting slightly and pulling back with an expression Jason couldn’t quite place. Then he remembered the girl advice Babs had given him and realised his mistake.  
‘Not that you’re fat. You’re anything but fat. You’re pretty, very pretty.’ Jason stumbled his way through his words, his cheeks glowing a bright red before he took a sip of his beer.   
The barmaid blinked before spluttering in a full in belly laugh and shaking her head at a very bemused Jason.  
‘Hah! You’re such an odd ball! Can I get you a drink?’  
‘I have a drink.’ Jason replied, still rather confused but deciding that this was a women come from Venus thing and letting it go.

A sudden roar shook the establishment and if Jason had been holding his beer at the time he’d have launched it in the direction of the noise. Luckily he was not because the roar had come from a crowd of boys his age cheering at the football on the television, fists pumping the air.  
Scoffing Jason shook his head and watched them all shouting at the top of their lungs and throwing their fists around as if they were having some sort of seizure.  
If he behaved like that in Arkham he’d have been in trouble and it seemed more than a little unfair that these boys were allowed to do it in public of all places!  
Deciding that this group at least seemed to be ‘kids his age,’ Jason slid off his stool and made his way over, beer in hand, to watch the football game. He didn’t really like football all that much and preferred baseball when it came to sports, but he knew enough of the game to at least know which way the ball was meant to be going.

Much to Jason’s surprise and delight, the group seemed to immediately count him as one of them. It was a bizarre notion to feel such a sense of belonging but something still wasn’t right. No matter how hard he tried to join in on the banter, he couldn’t help but feel like he was still stood behind his window. That he was there but not really, more a spectator on the outskirts.   
The small talk was even worse than that he suffered with Dick when he’d visited him in Arkham and that was pretty dire. All these boys seemed to be able to talk about was women, football and getting wasted. Although Jason had some knowledge of all three of these things he didn’t possess the near encyclopaedic knowledge these guys had. Some of the things that were said about ex and current girlfriends was just simply grotesque and demeaning.  
Jason blinked when it was loudly and proudly declared how many women a guy had slept with, something he thought to be a private matter. At least that was what Alfred had taught him as a horny teenager. Even Dick kept his list of conquests private, although he’d occasionally throw in a little bit of information to polish his ego he never told anyone all the gory details.  
When Drew, or whatever his name was, started bragging about exactly where he had put his tongue, Jason couldn’t help but blush and dip his head down to sip at his beer.  
‘Daw, we got a virgin in our midst fellas!’ Drew crowed, slinging an arm around Jason who immediately bristled and made a pointed effort not to punch his new friend in the face. ‘Don’t wort Jay, I’ll show you the ropes!’  
Jason couldn’t breathe. Shaking his head he managed to duck out of the unwanted physical contact and took a very long, very deep gulp of beer.  
‘I already know, the um, ropes.’  
‘Ha, he told me earlier he’s got a girlfriend! Better not be a virgin!’ Another boy chirped and Jason frowned slightly in confusion.  
‘I haven’t got a girlfriend. Let’s watch the football, yeah? Go Gotham what’s there faces, whoo!’ 

Jason tried Tim’s tactic for distracting away from unwanted press questions, but for some reason it didn’t work this time, even though he punched the air and everything. The group just blinked before looking at each other in wonder before staring back at him.  
‘Jay, man, are you with a dude or something?’ Drew almost whispered, taking a step back which Jason was only grateful for. The stench of heavily applied aftershave and BO was overwhelming.  
Shrugging, Jason sipped at his beer again and looked back up at the television screen.  
‘Maybe? Would you like me to tell you where I put my tongue ? I have had great reviews!’  
Jason figured if he couldn’t beat them he might as well join them, but apparently no one wanted to hear what Roy liked in bed, and he was met with a chorus of ‘Ew!’  
‘Urgh don’t be gross Jay’ Drew laughed, clouting Jason in the back so hard he wasn’t overly sure if he was being attacked or not. ‘Some stuffs best left private yeah? I mean we got no beef with your sort but no need to go public with details namean?’  
With that the group went back to watching the game and being loudly obnoxious as if nothing had happened. Jason just blinked and stared at them all in bewilderment.  
He wasn’t an idiot, his mamà had been homophobic but this wasn’t what Jason recognised as homophobia. His new friends accepted who he was and had just shrugged it off, he was still part of their group, no one had said anything offensive. Yet, somehow, Jason still felt the shameful guilt he knew shouldn’t be there settle in his belly, making his beer taste sour. 

Jason couldn’t fathom how anyone could ever make friends like this. As the evening went on Jason felt his paranoia spike every time conversation was directed at him. He grew more and more anxious when even more boys started slinging arms around his shoulders without permission never mind forewarning. This wasn’t working.  
Placing down his beer bottle, Jason stepped to the outskirts of the group. The boys carried on their loud conversation, apparently cock sizes were a subject matter to be talked about in a crowded bar. Feeling increasingly awkward and above all, a heavy sense of boredom settle on his shoulders Jason realised how wrong he had been.  
He didn’t want to do this.  
He didn’t want to watch football.  
He didn’t want to talk about girls.  
Above all else he really didn’t want to get drunk. If he got drunk he’d be sick and Jason did not like being sick. The last time he was sick, Roy had laughed and rubbed his back in empathy as he sobbed into porcelain bowl.  
This was what he was meant to be doing at his age. Jason knew that if Bruce knew where he was he’d be doing that look where he wanted to smile but was too ‘I’m Batman’ to do so. Young men go out, watch football, talk about girls and get drunk. If Jason felt like he was behind a window before, he sure as hell did now.

Letting out a heavy sigh Jason admitted defeat. It was too loud and too everything to stay any longer. The conversation was boring and all he wanted to do was go home. So that was exactly what he did. Just like every other time in his life, Jason left without anyone really noticing. That suited him just fine though, Jason never liked social conventions anyway, most of them made little sense to him.  
Stepping out into the brisk night air, Jason lit up a cigarette and took a deep, much needed drag, and let the weight of yet again being a failure settle on his shoulders.   
‘Jaybird?’  
Peering over his shoulder, Jason arched an eyebrow at Roy, who was stood behind him, looking just as surprised to see him. Roy seemed happy enough, there was his usual cocky grin but it was a mask. His green eyes were blood shot and watery, cheeks blotchy and he scratched at his arm anxiously. Letting out a long stream of smoke, Jason noticed that the skin on his forearm was beginning to break from the action. Roy had been distressed for quite some time.

‘Hey, Harper, you good? Thought you were staying out with your Titan gang, rebuilding bridges, platting each other’s hair, all that jazz?’  
Nodding along, Roy finally stopped scratching at his arm to instead fiddle with the rim of his ever present cap, he almost put Jason to shame with how spectacularly he was avoiding eye contact.  
‘Yeah, yeah it- it was good, different to how I thought but, it was okay. Everyone’s drunk now and there wasn’t just alcohol, don’t think the others saw but yeah- I went out for air? Kept walking.’  
Jason didn’t know what Roy was thinking about but whatever it was was painful judging by the way he winced and closed his eyes tightly, before refocusing and forcing a rather sad looking smile.  
‘Guess I thought I could be normal for a bit. Anyway, what’re you up to?’  
Pursing his lips, Jason looked back at the bar entrance mournfully before taking a another drag from his cigarette. Remembering his manners, he dug around in his pocket for his packet and offered one to Roy who accepted it gratefully and lit up with a soft sigh.   
‘I’m bored. I hate boys. I wanna go home!’ Jason blurted out, tearing up a little as he looked back at Roy, who seemed to be trying not to laugh.  
‘You hate boys huh?’  
‘Yes. They all watch football, drink and talk about girls. Can we go home Harper?’ Jason replied, his brow furrowing slightly in confusion when Roy leant over to kiss his temple with a small chuckle.

 

‘You went to a frat bar Jay? What else you were expecting?’ Roy lightly teased, taking a drag from his cigarette he watched the smoke blow away on the wind with a melancholy expression. ‘I’d like nothing more than to go home with you. Best decision I’ve made all night.’  
Nodding dumbly along, Jason looked back over at the entrance of the bar with renewed interest. So that was why he didn’t make friends?  
A hand slid into his and squeezed tightly. Turning, Jason smiled back at Roy and rested his forehead against his.  
‘Come on Jaybird, let’s order pizza and binge Netflix under some blankets. No pants allowed.’ Roy suggested and Jason almost cried in relief. He couldn’t think of anything else that he’d rather do.  
Snorting, he shook his head and let Roy lead the way.  
‘When did we become so domesticated Harper? I’m the Scourge of Gotham!’  
Clicking his tongue, Roy shrugged and carried on walking.  
‘Don’t overthink it Jay. Just remember that the Scourge of Gotham is coming grocery shopping with me tomorrow. No excuses.’

A lot of the time Jason felt like he was looking at life through a window. That he could observe but never participate, never connect with another like everyone else can. It was lonely, being stuck behind a window.  
Brushing the soft edge of his blanket against his cheek, Jason let out a long sigh of relief.  
His belly was full, he was warm and thankfully didn’t have to wear pants that scratched and always felt tight around his waist.   
‘You good Jaybird?’  
Nodding, Jason looked over at Roy snuggled up next to him and gave him a lazy smile.  
‘Yeah, you?’  
Jason didn’t think he’d ever seen Roy look so happy, but not just happy, at ease with the world.  
‘Yeah, never been better Jaybird. Maybe we should but a stopper on the going out partying thing?’ Roy suggested, holding out his hand to Jason hopefully.  
Nodding, Jason took Roy’s hand in his and felt his window shudder.  
‘This is better. I like this.’ He pretty much whispered, breath catching in his throat when Roy leant over and his lips brushed his.   
‘Me too.’ Roy muttered before deepening the loss with a grateful sigh.  
Jason felt the tension in his shoulder shudder and melt away like a lump of chocolate in a saucepan.  
Sometimes life was like looking through a window but sometimes, somehow, Roy always seemed to manage to find away to remind him how to open it.


End file.
